At MentalHappy we get so many humans who request a Cheerbox for a friend or perhaps for themselves after experiencing a terrible, horrible breakup. Personally I enjoy writing the motivational handwritten notes for some (wish I could do them all) of those Cheerbox recipients in particular because I really want to help inspire people to heal and thrive after it. It is said that relationships are often times the vehicle to help humans move towards spiritual and personal growth. Each person we encounter whether a long time friend, family, lover or stranger on the street is in our life to teach us a life lesson. What most people do not realize is that we are all spirits (souls) having a human experience and not the other way around. So after the denial, shock, anger, tears or depression from the fact that your “experience” i.e. relationship has ended what comes next? You could immediately try to find someone new, or shut your heart off to new love experience or refuse to let the relationship/person go. However, none of those actions elevate you to grow or learn the lesson you are intended to learn from the experience.
Through my own life experiences I’ve discovered a few practical and even fun steps on how to not only get through it but to also get something very valuable out of the whole experience. The line that Beyonce’s latest album made even more famous, “when life give you lemons, you make lemonade”. Here are seven tips on surviving a horrible breakup and making delicious lemonade:
1. Stop Talking About What Happened. Even if People Ask You, “what happened?, Why did you guys split up?”.
The reason why you need to immediately stop talking about it is because talking about the horrible breakup only causes you to feel more horrible. What you should say instead (even if you don’t completely feel that way yet) is, “I learned a lot about myself during the relationship and I will always be grateful”. Talking about negative aspects of the relationship will only bring you more negativity. Stick to the positive...even if you have to fake it for a while.
2. Stop Expecting or Looking for Closure from the Other Person. Truth is it’s not necessary. It is what it is. And the story of what happened is not about that person...it’s about you and what you learned and the new opportunities you will find there after.
3. Start a List of Positives on What You Appreciated About the Relationship or Characteristics of the Person.
Like I said, even if you don’t totally feel it just practice yourself into it. Why? Anytime you express or show appreciation you are affirming to the universe the things that you love. The universe will naturally bring you more of those things. Perhaps not immediately in the form of a new lover but perhaps in friendships or family life, new opportunities, and yes, eventually a new love. For example, a positive aspect could be, “I appreciated the way he cared for his grandparents. Even if the person only had one positive characteristic or there was only one positive aspect about the relationship focus on that one and nothing else.
4. Occupy Your Time!
Do not just lay around feeling sad. Keep yourself distracted with things you enjoy. Do your best to get out in nature, take long walks, go to the park, if it’s cold/snowing outside play in the snow like a little kid or take a trip to somewhere warmer. Do not forget to spend more time with family and other loved ones. And more importantly just have fun!
5. Get Creative!
Try something new, create a vision board, write down and reaffirm your goals and dreams. Paint, draw, color, sing, dance, meditate...discover some type of creative talent that you didn’t know you had or have not used since you were a kid. When you are relaxed or doing something creative you will be inspired with new ideas and will be pleasantly surprised by the new opportunities that come your way.
6. Reach Out to Other Humans.
I heard Joyce Meyers say once, “if you are looking for a blessing, the best thing to do is be a blessing to someone else.” Now, whatever your background of beliefs are the very simple point she is making is that helping others feel good will ultimately benefit your mission in feeling good. I suggest you reach out to someone else in need! I mean really reach out by phone call or a visit not a text message or social media. Or volunteer with an organization in your community. Or just simply talk to someone you don’t even know. When you give out positive energy it will definitely come back to you. If you need more suggestions please consider some of the humans we at MentalHappy love helping: Opportunity Village or you can Sponsor a Cheerbox to help someone become a happier Human.
7. Forgiveness is Really About Forgetting.
I learned this powerful message from Esther Hicks, “forgiveness is really more about forgetting.” (if you’ve never heard of her, google her! She’s amazing). I hear so many people say, “I am working on forgiving my ex or the person who betrayed me. Forgiveness only causes you to keep focusing on the negative situation versus the lesson that will help you move forward. Instead focus on forgetting. I know you are thinking, isn’t that denial? Nope, it’s not the same as denial at all. Some people say I will forgive but I will never forget. Again, by doing so you are only allowing that situation to continue to stand in the way of your feeling good. Forget the details of who wronged who or what happened so you can move forward.